Lightning Crashes

Didn't sleep well last night. I tossed and turned forever and then woke up every hour or two. On top of that, I had to be up at 6:15 and spin class was not as great as it should have been - due to exhaustion. I'm not sure why I didn't sleep well though...

It's been a nice day today. On the surface, I'm sure I just seem calm, possibly happy. But inside, I feel blank and empty. On cruise control. Numb. I honestly have no emotion. Which is just horrible to say, cause there's so much I've had to look forward to today and I am so - whatever. The emotion is fake and fleeting. Writing this, I seems awful to admit! It's not a life to live. But why do I feel like this? How do I not feel a thing? I always feel something... whether it be hatred or confusion or sadness... but today - absolutely nothing. Whatever.

Okay, after it has been marinating in my mind for the past 36 hours, I've come to an opinion about an "issues" that arose Saturday night that I just have to address this once. I can't fathom why in the hell you think it's a good idea to torment her. The more I think about how you're planning on seizing every opportunity you can to use me against her, the angrier I get at you. It's utterly infuriating that you get a rise out of her misery. Though I know her's is an emotional struggle and this song is about a physical struggle, Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus pretty much sums it up: "Do you feel like a man, when you push her around? Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground? Well I tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end, as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found. ... She's finally had enough."

"Oh I feel it comin' back again, like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind." ~Live, Lightning Crashes