Duality

Birthday party was soooo much fun!! I had a great time with everyone and want to thank everyone who came out to celebrate. There were definitely a few surprises - some good and some bad - but overall, the night proved to be an awesome success! Not only did I hold all my liquor, I was not hungover AT ALL this morning. Such a great night!

Found out a lot about myself today. I came to the realization that I might actually not be physically able to run in the half marathon this week... much to my upset and disappointment... But more to come on that later. There's the one feeling of worthlessness that I feel that D helped me to realize carries on to just about every aspect of my life. I know I'm loved, I know my family and friends are proud of me, I know that it is such a preposterous thought. Yet, deep down, I do not agree that I have value for some reason and this feeling that I'm continually letting everyone down consumes me. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't know how to change it. It's just so ingrained in me that I'm not sure what I can do at this point that will change. But change is what I need.

Okay, a few random, final thoughts: 1- Wow, that was a punch in the face. 2- Corner Bakery's Whoopie Pies are to die for. Buttercream. Yeah. 3- I gotta cool it with the flirting. 4- I kinda want to date you... 5- If this ends up being a joke, it's not very funny. 6- I never thought a person could be that evil. You are cruel. 7- I'm praying for you, Sujal :) 8- Please just let it all work out the way we're hoping it will! 9- Melt faster snow!

And lastly, the most important: 10- Congratulations on 24 years together tomorrow, Mom and Dad. Thank you for keeping it real and being the best example my brothers and I could ever ask for. I love you more than you know! :D

"I may believe thrill and apathy don't exist in me fairly equally, the truth is doubts are all I've got to call mine." ~Bayside, Duality