No Easy Way

Somehow I just keep getting knocked down while I'm still on the ground... Why won't he leave me the hell alone already? "As you cry I wanna lie, say 'I love you so' darling even though I don't, there's no easy way to ease the pain..." That song just keeps running through my head. I don't know what to do anymore. Ruined

Can't focus...

Hello! It's been awhile since I've last posted. A LOT has happened! A lot of things with school and my friends and family and work and Arean... Oh goodness, where to begin?

So this weekend my friends and I went up to watch the Utes brutally murder the Aggies in Logan, at their first home game, during homecoming week, in front of 20,000 fans. It was AWESOME! There will always be a special place in my heart for Utah State, but wow it was very enjoyable to watch them attempt to play football. But the weather was amazing, my family was great, and I enjoyed spending the weekend with my closest buddies.

I've also made some new friends recently, mostly at work... but they've been really good to me and I'm hoping we'll start to hang out more often and such.

This weekend I've had a hard time. One of my very close friends of a couple years told me about how I shouldn't settle for just any guy that I deserve the best. Him saying that really hit hard and meant a lot... It made me really think about Arean and what he now wants from me. Also I learned that my little bro has a gf and he treats her about exactly the same as Arean treated me and I don't want my brother to be that guy... So idk what to do, but it hurts my heart to think about it.

I still can't get my head in the game these days... it's been rough and I just don't feel like I'm keeping it together... I really need someone to talk to cause I can't keep all this in... it's my cross to bear but I need a little help with the load. I don't know why I just can't focus and pay attention, but it's eating me alive. I need someone to talk to but I just... I don't know... am I not trustworthy enough to find someone? Or I feel like I'm not allowed to show weakness, I always have to be the strong, happy one. But it is slowly killing me...

Pure Bliss

Oh and btw... the weather is freakin' AMAZING today!!!! I love it, it's pure bliss!! :) Life is good

10lb/mo

So I have settled on a goal!! 10 pounds a month. I think that's not too bad of a goal!! I can always stand to lose a little more a month, but I think ten pounds is really very reasonable! Now I just have to get in the habit of exercising and eating right and I'll be just fine. Gotta reach that goal! It's the one thing I've wanted the most out of my life... :D

We're no longer a couple... thank goodness. But we're trying to be friends and quite frankly, I don't buy it. I don't think I'm treated as a friend... So I don't really know at this point, but we'll have to see.