Mambo Number Five

Lately I've been suffering a whole lot of moral turmoil and yesterday evening at dinner with the Dominicans I had to face them finally for the first time.  I don't want that to come off like it was a bad thing - it's just something that I have continued to put off for a long time now and yesterday was the day that by the time I went to bed, I was a wreck.  I've made a lot of poor decisions as far as my faith and relationship with God, especially recently.  The thing is, that it's totally my fault.  It's me that's stepped away, it's me that's turned my back, it's me that has been accusatory, it's me that feels guilt and remorse...  At the Dominican's, I felt like I had let them down, that I just turned out to be the biggest disappointment.  Turns out, that was not the case at all and I should have known!  I was welcomed so warmly just like the Prodigal Daughter.  Afterward, I was just so emotional, so desperately needing that God that I had turned my back on.  So I've got to change.  I've got to put in the effort.

And I've got to go to confession.

Had my first official grown up TEA PARTY with my friends last night that was so much fun!!  It was our going away party for A and we all had such a good time.  J can vouch on her blog that candles can be waaay more entertaining than they were probably meant to be....  But we all had a great time!

This is totally random considering the fact that I am not even in any sort of serious relationship, nor am I planning on getting married anytime soon, but I have come to the decision that an open bar at my wedding reception is definitely more important than having a professional photographer...  haha

"So what can I do?  I really beg you my Lord, to me flirting is just like a sport, anything fly, it's all good let me just dump it."  ~Lou Bega, Mambo Number Five

Violet Hill

Very excited to see people getting more into the blogging scene!  I love reading all your guys' blogs.  :)

D and I had our first guest over last night!  C, thanks so much for gracing us with your presence in our new place!  Definitely makes it feel much more like home.

Riding the bus was AWESOME today!!  Only took me 40 minutes from the time I stepped out my front door to when I stepped into work.  Definitely going to be riding more often.

Facebook is f*cking up big time for me today... I dunno what the hell it's problem is, but it's being rude!  haha  Stupid.

Well, I know it's all random, useless info, but I guess I don't really have much to say today.. sorry 'bout that.  Hopefully more will be on my mind tomorrow!

"Was a long and dark December, when the banks became cathedrals, and the fog, became God."  ~Coldplay, Violet Hill

With or Without You

It's official! Spring semester classes are finally over! Woot woot :D Also, I'm already 2 finals down, 2 to go. My last two are both next Tuesday so I plan on waiting til this weekend to start studying...
 
So I have decided that I want to figure out how to use the bus system this summer, and I think I'm going to try it out either tomorrow or Friday. I'm kinda nervous cause I've never used the bus since I've been here, but want to take advantage of it since we get our passes for free and hopefully then I can save some mulah on gas this coming year! So we'll see how it goes.

Alright, now it's time for some FRIENDS and beer to celebrate the end of spring classes! Cheers :)

"Slight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait, and I wait without you." ~U2, With or Without You

Take Me To The River

For the first time ever, I am praying that it does not rain today...  It is supposed to rain slash snow for the duration of the week so today is the ONE and ONLY day that I can move my couch!!  *fingers crossed*

Tomorrow is the last day of classes for the semester!!  I can't believe it's already here.  Hell, I can't believe May 1st is on Saturday...  Crazy how fast time flies.

Okay, so this is really lame of me... but I want a bunny rabbit.  haha  I can hardly get through typing that without laughing at myself!  Particularly this lil' guy that I found is for sale.. I think it's just soooo dang cute!!!!!

Aahh I just love it!!  haha  I'm a whacko, I know I know.

"Take my money, take my cigarettes, I haven't seen the worst of it yet, I wanna know, can you tell me?"  ~Talking Heads, Take Me To The River

Chasing Pavements

Apparently I did something recently that offended a whole group of birds, because this morning when I went out to my car I had TEN fresh bird droppings that all landed on my back window...  WTF birds?!  haha

Woke up in our new place for the first time this morning - Best.  Feeling.  Ever.  Despite being so tired from last week and this weekend, it has actually been a kick-ass day today.  I have my first final in a few hours and I'm really hoping my professor just has a short schpeel and then gives us the exam cause it's only 50 multiple choice so it should take less than 30 minutes and then I can get outta there.  I have a lot to do tonight!!  Well... really it's just more packing/moving and studying for the next final...

I have decided to make it my goal this summer to get to know the city better.  There are so many things that I love here and yet, still so many things that I have not checked out or taken advantage of to where I still feel like I did when I first moved here.  I want to be more fluent in this city!  I want to try new restaurants, see professional sporting events, explore the mountains, hike the trails, swim in the lake, etc. etc.!!  I think it's a great goal, and luckily for me this summer, my job hours should leave plenty of time for the opportunity of getting to know this city.

"I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over, if I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further."  ~Adele, Chasing Pavements

Chasing Cars

I was writing up notes for a final, switching between writing in all caps or all lower-case for different headings. I learned today that I tend to have a much harder time spelling words correctly when I write in all caps... haha The funny thing is, I only caught it half the time when I was actually writing and just now that I'm reading it over, I'm catching all sorts of errors - but only in all caps. Weird.

"I don't where, confused about how as well, just know that these things wil never change for us at all."  ~Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars

Wild Honey

F-WORDS:

1)  FURNITURE.  Hellz yeah, D and I have got furrrrrrrniture!!  Which means we will be able to start having people over soon soon SOON!  :)  We are so excited to see the opening at the end of the tunnel of our current living situation.

2)  FINALS.  I hate this time of year.  It is so freakin' busy and there are not enough hours in the day for the rest of life.  Luckily, I'll be finished soon enough!!

3)  FRIENDS.  I love my friends.  Love them!  I had such a good time last night with old friends, new friends, best friends... you guys were all a lot of fun, thanks for the good time.  And J - thanks for the "Blow Job."

"I'm still standing where you left me, are you still growing wild, with everything tame around you?"  ~U2, Wild Honey

I Made It

Decided to mess around with blogger today and give my blog a face lift.  I think it looks pretty good!  Any input (even just by marking the new reaction tallies at the end of this post *hint hint*nudge nudge*) would be appreciated!  Thanks :)

Stuck at work today... Boo.  The weather is so pretty out!!  And I was really wanted to help D move some new furniture into our place.  My folks are coming down tomorrow with all of my furniture, so after this weekend we'll be pretty much moved in!  Aaahhh I can't wait!  I can't believe it's FINALLY just around the corner.  Still a couple of things that we've got to work out.. but it's all come together so smoothly this far that I can't imagine we'll run into any speed bumps.

After taking time off running, my legs have gotten significantly better and actually pretty close to normal!  Thank goodness.  However, my ankle has been acting up... and I couldn't tell you why.  It started hurting after I stopped running about 2 weeks ago, so it's such a mystery to me.  Stupid body.

Really excited to see J this weekend!!!!!  It's been too long and I really really really miss him. 

At work we're listening to the Top 40 today, which is pretty damn awesome for the most part.  However, I just need to complain about two songs:  Imma Be by the Black Eyed Peas and Telephone by Lady Gaga and Beyonce.  Okay - if I have to hear either of those songs again, I may just shot someone.

"See I don't live for the glamor, I don't care for the fame, I'm in this for the love of the game, funny how things change."  ~Kevin Rudolf (feat. Jay Sean and Lil Wayne), I Made It

Moceanu

Uuuuggghhh - today. Today I have been just dragging so bad. I'm ready for bed, I'm ready to not have to be social, I'm ready to just close my eyes and curl up... and it's only 4:30. Awesome.

As for a certain someone, I really have missed you a lot this week! But I am so sorry that I've got nothing to say... I really am just so dead today for whatever reason and would just love to be in your presence, without having to try, if that's okay with you.

Starting looking at grad programs here and around the western region of the US. I always wanted to continue my education after getting my BA, but though I want to go on to get an MA or PhD, I have absolutely no idea in what particular area or what I want to do with my degree, which poses a serious problem. I've been entertaining a few ideas for the past few years, but I honestly don't see myself being competitive enough for anything, especially because there's nothing that I am so interested in at this point, I feel that would show on any grad application... So, as usual, I have no idea what to do. God, I am just such a failure.

"I'm s-i-c-k of this meaningless life where c-h-a-n-c-e-s pass me by, this is r-e-a-l-i-t-y." ~Bayside, Moceanu

Bulletproof

All is good in the world again - THE OFFICE IS BAAACK!! :D

"What was your favorite year? Or month? Mine was April when I was 7."

"This is like the Cadillac of pumps."

"When I was in the foster home, my hair was my room."

"Whoa wait, what?! I was just slow clapping at your no-nonsense decision making!"

"Good work Cookie Monster."

Love it.

Also, I did end up purchasing Shock Value II and I absolutely LOVE IT. Even the Miley Cyrus song! And if you know me, then you know that I cannot stand that girl... So far I think my favorite song is Timothy Where You Been feat. Jet.

"Been there done that messed around, I'm having fun don't put me down, I'll never let you sweep me off my feet." ~La Roux, Bulletproof

Ease Off the Liquor

Ohmigawd. (Yep, I know, I'm still awake. Boo.) I almost forgot!! Stupid customer of the day award. This was a phone convo, the customer was a woman who had a question about her graduation regalia...

Customer - I have a question about what the gown looks like.

Me - Okay, what degree are you getting?

Customer - Psychology

Me - No, not what college are you graduating from, what degree? Bachelors or Masters or Doctorate?

Customer - Yes.

Me - Which ONE?

Customer - Oooohhhh!

Yeah. "Oohh" is right, dumbass. You do realize you're graduating from COLLEGE, right? Cause I'm not really sure how you pulled that off. haha

"Why? So we can't blame it on the alcohol." ~Timbaland, Ease Off the Liquor

Heaven Can Wait

Dilemma #1: Body is sooo exhausted and wants to go to bed. Had espresso too late in the evening, so I am wide awake and have waaayy too much energy for my own good.

Dilemma #2: Need to work on my anthropology project that is due in less than 36 hours. I have completed 2 of the 12 sections. I just got some new music and am busy jamming out - which I have the energy for at this time of night on a Wednesday, thanks to dilemma #1.

Dilemma #3: I thought it would be a good idea to eat lots of pretzels in a short period of time. Definitely a stupid idea. Now my mouth is raw from all the salt and I cannot get enough water.

Dilemma #4: To buy Shock Value II, or not?

Yep, it's been one of those nights. But clearly, dilemma #4 is the most crucial... so any input is welcomed! I'll be sure to let you know what I decide. :)

"There's thunder, there's lightning in an avalanche of faces you know." ~Charlotte Gainsbourg, Heaven Can Wait

Momentum

I so just don't want to handle today like I'm supposed to. It's such a beautiful day and I am in such a great mood and have high hopes for what's to come. But I don't want to go to class, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to talk to people, I don't want to look decent, I don't want to work on this mother-effing anthropology project, I don't want to study, I don't want to even look at a clock and worry about time... I just want to be doing my own thing, living life without a schedule, doing things for me, by my own means, without responsibility - just for today. I want today to be a day without boundaries, without conformity, without a timetable. And you know what? Today can be just that, because it's my decision. Not the world's decision, not my mother's decision - MY decision. Unfortunately, life is not so kind, and a college student, such freedom at this time of year is not seen without devastating repercussion. As much as I'd love to let my responsibilities go just for today, I know that my patience for the end of the semester and continual hard work will pay off and the reward will be much greater. It's important to live in the moment. In this life and in this current situation of today, with tomorrow looming, it's also important to prepare for the future. Today, I make it my goal to find the balance and wake up tomorrow regret-free.

"Break down and tell, break down and tell, that you are the rain on the fire, deep in the trees when no one was looking." ~The Hush Sound, Momentum

Friday I'm In Love

Gotta love Pearls Before Swine! This one was published earlier in April, but I just now got around to catching up on them. Heeeeeyyy zeeba neighbah! :D

"Dressed up to the eyes, it's a wonderful surprise, to see your shoes and your spirits rise." ~The Cure, Friday I'm In Love

Torn

My, how the tides have turned. Last night I was so incredibly hot in my bedroom, I was afraid I was going to melt away. Today, it is so cold at work, my fingernails are blue. And yet, the weather outside is perfect! Clearly it's a sign that I need to be spending my time outside.

Lots of moving planned for today! Talked to my folks last night and they are bringing all of my furniture this weekend! I know that I've been saying it a lot recently, but I just can't wait until we're in our place. Life will be so much better then.

Okay, it's time for me to file some grievances... Well I guess they are not all exactly grievances, but just a collection of random thoughts for the day that I would like to "air out:" 1- Your hair looks weird like that. 2- What exactly does it take for me to get bumped up? 3- I hate to be in the middle of it, but I know it means we're back to normal and I definitely appreciate that. 4- I know it's my fault our relationship suffers. I apologize that this situation had to affect that, otherwise I think we could have been good friends. 5- You wanna say that a little louder? I don't think they heard you down in Provo. 6- Yeah, you're right. But you should know that I'm not the gossiping type when it comes to this shit. It's unprofessional and that's not me. 7- Please stop looking at me like that. And I know you're trying to help, I get that, but your invested interest in me is a little sketch. 8- It's really hard to sit still when the song Macarena comes on the radio. 9- I'm really nervous to be working with actual customers. I'm so out of practice. 10- I wish I could tell you that your immaturity is going to screw you over in the long run.

"I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel, I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor, illusion never changed into something real." ~Natalie Imbruglia, Torn

Red Red Wine

Coffee + cold leftover pizza = breakfast of champions. :D

Last night I had the most horrible night's sleep. First of all, when I forced myself to go to bed at 11:45, I was still wide awake. I wonder if it's because I had some Coke with dinner... I dunno. That's the only thing I can think of that I did differently, but caffeine in soda hasn't had an effect on my sleep since I was about 15. Then, I think my bedroom was just too hot. I tossed and turned for hours until about 5 am. Finally when my alarm went off at 6:15 I think I had finally gotten deep into sleep because I do not remember turning it off and I totally accidentally skipped spin class. Whoopsies. I guess to start not just a Monday, but the whole week, off right, sleep is a little more important than spin class. ...but I'm still so bummed I missed spin, cause I love spin!! Plus, I'm getting chubbier again, so I can use the physical activity, though my breakfast of champions doesn't exactly scream "health nut." haha Now that school's about over with, it'll be back to the grind of caloric in/output so I can get back to where I wanted to be. I've got to make myself proud of me!

"Red red wine you make me feel so fine, you keep me rockin' all of the time." ~UB40 & Chrissie Hynde, Red Red Wine

Lose Yourself

Today was such a gorgeous day! I did not get to spend as much time outside as I was hoping... probably should have skipped mass to hit the hills and get my hike on. I probably would have ended up spending more time with God had I've been in the mountains than I was in church today. My mind was just everywhere while I was in mass. I bet the crisp mountain air would have kept me focused. Oh well. Hopefully later this week or weekend! :)

D and I are just wishing we could just be in our apartment already. It's getting old being here at N. We are so ready for this chapter of our semester to be over, it's not even funny. But at the same time, I really need May to take it's time in getting here so that I can get everything done on time! I can't believe how fast this semester has gone! And I have a feeling these last 8 days of school are just going to fly. I cannot wait for it to be summer, but it needs to come in due time.

I went on a walk around the neighborhood this evening and there were so many gorgeous flowers and trees blooming! I just love this time of year! All the new life is so beautiful and so hopeful. Made me stop and think about life, how spring is a renewal. A chance to start over. An opportunity to be the best you can be and start the year off right. Once the death and cold that comes with winter has passed, life begins again. So I want to take a lesson from the tulips and blossoms and start this coming year off great, off with a stunning beauty and wonderous breath of fresh air. It starts now.

"You own it, you better never let it go, you ony get one show, do not miss your change to blow." ~Eminem, Lose Yourself

The Ocean

Starting moving into our new place today. No furniture yet... the majority of that will come next weekend, but lots of little odds and ends. It's really very very exciting!! It's nice to know that this semester at our old place is finally coming to an end. Praise the Lord!

"This is my paradise, this is all I really need, I can't live without this feeling of the ocean around me." ~Barefoot Truth, The Ocean

Little Fire

I should have written yesterday, but didn't because I was so busy. I apologize!

Tuesday night I had a very long, very good, looong overdue chat with one of my dearest friends J. Sobbed like a fool and was, to quote my post, "an utter wreck." But it was one of the best talks about life have had with anyone in awhile. Long story short, I am so thankful for you J and I miss you more than you know.

That being said, I went to bed feeling optimistic. Here he was, telling it like it was, offering his "Gwampa J" words of wisdom, and assuring me that life isn't the way I'm thinking it should be. After being a blubbering idiot for over an hour, I was all cried out and actually sensing I could see a dim light at the end of a very dark tunnel. When I woke up, it was a brand new day. And I felt WORTH IT. Sunny. Peaceful. Kissed by God. What he said sank in overnight and I can feel that I'm starting to get a feel for what life is supposed to be. For who I am supposed to be. I just hope and pray that I can make the change. This life is for me. I'm worth it!

"All that I want is one who knows me, a kind hand on my face when I weep, and I'd give back these things I know are meaningless." ~Patty Griffin (feat. Emmylou Harris), Little Fire

The High Road

Oh my God, I'm a f*cking wreck right now... An utter wreck.

"It's too late to change your mind, you let loss be your guide." ~Broken Bells, The High Road

Changes in the Weather

Loaded up on the pain killer and went running today as the final test before the half-marathon to see how my legs would hold. 5 miles was going to be my testing point... If I could run 5 miles today and still feel at least okay, then the half is a go. Any less, and I would have to bow out.

Much to my disappointment and frustration, I only lasted 3 miles. Mind you, 3 miles is a considerable improvement from one week ago - it just isn't improvement enough. After taking a half mile cool down walk and telling myself not to cry, I did come to the painful conclusion that, for my legs' sake for the duration of this summer, this year's half-marathon is a no-go. Though I have no legitimate reason to be, I am incredibly angry at myself and wish this would have worked out because I trained and looked forward to this weekend for so long. The right decision isn't always the easiest decision. What a bummer. :(

Shin splints and tendonitis, you may win this battle. But you know what? I'm going to win the war. Here's to a lower-impact, hiking and biking filled summer. Cheers.

"On the highest mountain top, just wanna hold that breath forever, I dancin' in the clouds, with my feet still on the ground, I couldn't say a dream could get much better." ~Barefoot Truth, Changes in the Weather

Losing My Religion

Omg omg omg omg. WE GOT THE APARTMENT. Damn, what a rush of emotion!! Wow, how quickly things turn. I am so freaking excited I can hardly stand myself! Hardly stand to have to sit here at work for another hour!! Aahhh this is awesome!

Btw, it's a nice sweaty 78 degrees at my desk.... gross. I can't wait to go outside where it's cooler! haha

"Every whisper of every waking hour, I'm choosing my confessions, trying to keep an eye on you." ~R.E.M., Losing My Religion

Lightning Crashes

Didn't sleep well last night. I tossed and turned forever and then woke up every hour or two. On top of that, I had to be up at 6:15 and spin class was not as great as it should have been - due to exhaustion. I'm not sure why I didn't sleep well though...

It's been a nice day today. On the surface, I'm sure I just seem calm, possibly happy. But inside, I feel blank and empty. On cruise control. Numb. I honestly have no emotion. Which is just horrible to say, cause there's so much I've had to look forward to today and I am so - whatever. The emotion is fake and fleeting. Writing this, I seems awful to admit! It's not a life to live. But why do I feel like this? How do I not feel a thing? I always feel something... whether it be hatred or confusion or sadness... but today - absolutely nothing. Whatever.

Okay, after it has been marinating in my mind for the past 36 hours, I've come to an opinion about an "issues" that arose Saturday night that I just have to address this once. I can't fathom why in the hell you think it's a good idea to torment her. The more I think about how you're planning on seizing every opportunity you can to use me against her, the angrier I get at you. It's utterly infuriating that you get a rise out of her misery. Though I know her's is an emotional struggle and this song is about a physical struggle, Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus pretty much sums it up: "Do you feel like a man, when you push her around? Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground? Well I tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end, as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found. ... She's finally had enough."

"Oh I feel it comin' back again, like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind." ~Live, Lightning Crashes

Duality

Birthday party was soooo much fun!! I had a great time with everyone and want to thank everyone who came out to celebrate. There were definitely a few surprises - some good and some bad - but overall, the night proved to be an awesome success! Not only did I hold all my liquor, I was not hungover AT ALL this morning. Such a great night!

Found out a lot about myself today. I came to the realization that I might actually not be physically able to run in the half marathon this week... much to my upset and disappointment... But more to come on that later. There's the one feeling of worthlessness that I feel that D helped me to realize carries on to just about every aspect of my life. I know I'm loved, I know my family and friends are proud of me, I know that it is such a preposterous thought. Yet, deep down, I do not agree that I have value for some reason and this feeling that I'm continually letting everyone down consumes me. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't know how to change it. It's just so ingrained in me that I'm not sure what I can do at this point that will change. But change is what I need.

Okay, a few random, final thoughts: 1- Wow, that was a punch in the face. 2- Corner Bakery's Whoopie Pies are to die for. Buttercream. Yeah. 3- I gotta cool it with the flirting. 4- I kinda want to date you... 5- If this ends up being a joke, it's not very funny. 6- I never thought a person could be that evil. You are cruel. 7- I'm praying for you, Sujal :) 8- Please just let it all work out the way we're hoping it will! 9- Melt faster snow!

And lastly, the most important: 10- Congratulations on 24 years together tomorrow, Mom and Dad. Thank you for keeping it real and being the best example my brothers and I could ever ask for. I love you more than you know! :D

"I may believe thrill and apathy don't exist in me fairly equally, the truth is doubts are all I've got to call mine." ~Bayside, Duality

Satellite

Aight. So I here I am at work today... got a book to read that I have to write a book report on by Wednesday (and I'm on page 20 of 300), got some research to do for the grant proposal project, and have got some legit work stuff that I can do if I want to. And yet, I don't want to do anything... I am usually super productive on Saturdays that I work cause it's usually slow enough that I can get homework done, easy breezy. I dunno what the heck is up with today!! I've got soooo much on my mind... soooo many things that I need to be doing and basically just want to be home taking care of other things that I have deemed "more important." Oh, and on top of it, it's a gorgeous day out! (Sadly, I couldn't run, even if I tried - I have been resting my days for the past 4 days and though my knee feels 100% better, my shin splints still scream bloody murder. One week.) I am in a great mood! So that's a plus! I just don't want to be here today. I need to be here though. Somehow I am so bored... I can't commit to getting any of this shit taken care of!

Celebrating my birthday with my friends at The Bayou tonight! I'm sooo excited!! Never been there before, but hear it's great. This will officially be the first time I'll be gettin' crunk since Halloween 2008.... haha Planning on setting my bedroom up for potential puking all night and for tomorrow morning's hangover. I feel like such a responsible adult... haha It's going be a lot of fun, but I don't exactly do the "getting crunk" anymore, so I am a little nervous. Had enough experiences in my earlier years to know how not fun it is once you pass the threshold of fun and games to torture and pain. But I am looking forward to tonight! :)

Am still super SUPER psyched about the apartment we've got our eye on. That's been swirling around my head non-stop for about the past 24 hours now...

"Elevator to the moon, whistling our favorite tune, trying to get a closer view." ~Guster, Satellite

Owner of a Lonely Heart

SUCH A GOOD DAY! Busy day... VERY busy day that's only going to continue through Sunday... BUT SOOO GOOD! Been checking out a lot of apartments this week and still have another tonight and one next week BUT we checked out one that we are IN LOVE WITH!! Seriously seriously in love with!! I am so excited I can't hardly stand it. So far, everything is falling into place, so I really hope it all works out perfectly.

"Give your free will a chance, you've got to want to succeed." ~Yes, Owner of a Lonely Heart

Young Forever

Talked to my parents about my stupid legs and came to the horrible realization that this running thing is probably never going to work out for me. I'm not so much throwing in the towel as much as it's getting rudely yanked from my hands. I'm so frustrated! But what can I do... Damn. Short term, I'm laying off until the mararthon and then *literally* killing it. Nine more days.

"Reminisce, talk some shit, forever young is in your mind." ~Jay-Z (feat. Mr. Hudson), Young Forever

Mothers of the Disappeared

I've officially got some of the BEST friends EVER. A and A.... you two are so sly with your little surprises!! I loved it and I love you and thank you so much for being the friends that I don't deserve. :D

"In the wind we hear their laughter, in the rain we see their tears, we hear their heartbeat." ~U2, Mothers of the Disappeared

This Is Nowhere

I need to stop dillydallying. This semester is coming to an end rather quickly and my composure is fading fast! I've got to keep with it so my grades don't suffer... But who knows what'll happen in the next four weeks.

Skipped spin class this morning - - legs hurt like hell. Just walking to class I'm sure I looked a little MR with my slow-paced, faint limp. Ugh, this really sucks!! I definitely have to keep in shape for the half marathon, but I'm not sure what I should do about the running part of the training! 10 more days, 10 more days, 10 more days...

This week has been so off my usual routine that my days are all mixed up! It's crazy! And kind of driving me nuts... haha I just can't wait for this weekend to get back on track. Also, my bedroom is a complete and utter disaster. I wish Hurricane Amanda would cease and desist!

"I've got nothing to do but stare at these walls, and take some time to screw my head on right." ~The Airborne Toxic Event, This Is Nowhere

Breakeven

I just want this to be over already. I'm so so sick of the pain. I don't know what to do... I can't believe how much pain killer I stuffed my body with today, and still after two miles - TWO motherf*cking miles - my legs hurt so incredibly bad. UGH. I am so upset right now. So upset. Told myself to wait til I get home home to cry. 11 days and counting.

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing, just prayed to a god that I don't believe in." ~The Script, Breakeven

Stronger

Ooohhhmygaawd I am such a bitch. I really need to get a grip and CUT IT OUT. Actually, I'm so incredibly pissed at myself - for not being myself... if that makes any sense at all. I do not know where my mind has been, or why I keep thinking it's okay, or why the hell I think that my opinion is the sole, correct opinion. Like, seriously?! What the f*ck is that?! Who died and made me queen of the world? I dunno, but I definitely do not want that job. It's ME who is making this difficult, and it's ME who needs to change, and it's ME who needs a reality check. Cause if I f*ck this up, then my life will not only be hell on earth, but will just be a repeat of last year, and I DO NOT need that again. WAKE THE F*CK UP, AMANDA.

"There's a thousand of yous, there's only one of me, I'm trippin', I'm caught up in the moment, right?" ~Kanye West, Stronger

Devotion and Desire

A is so adorable! Got me a 6 pound bag of gummi bears from Costco for my bday. Okay, so gummi bears are my absolute favorite and that's totally awesome! Plus, I can use it as like a medicine ball to do some strength exercises! haha :) Love it.

"And I know the spark inside your eyes was just the match I used to set myself on fire." ~Bayside, Devotion and Desire

Nothin' On You

Sorry sorry sorry! I was totally MIA for the past few days... busy being social for once. haha Hung out with my girls on Friday night to celebrate E's birthday and then went home yesterday to celebrate Easter and my birthday with the fam. Both have been awesome! I bought my own beer today for the official first time ever! It was pretty damn sweet. And actually made me feel old... But I guess that's all I have to say for now. A and S are coming over a little later to have a drink with me, but then it's homework and to bed early. Yippee skippee :)

"They might say hi and I might hey, but you shouldn't worry about what they say, cause they got nothin' on you, baby." ~B.o.B (Feat. Bruno Mars), Nothin' On You

Break Your Heart

Went to bed at 3:30 last night, up at 7 to study and fiiiiiiiiinally I am done with all my exams this week!! YAY. History this morning went just fine. I'm not sure how I did, but I memorized the entire essay so I know I didn't leave anything out that I wanted, but I just hope it's what he's looking for. I'm just thankful it's over - but now I'm soooo very sleepy. Definitely not running today. I have already taken pain killer and my legs hurt so so very bad. :( But that's okay cause in the past four nights I've gotten a total of about 17 hours of sleep, so I could use the good nap.

Holy Thursday today. Going to the Mass of the Lord's Supper tonight. Can't believe Lent is already over! It went by so dang fast!

"Now I may not be the worse or best, but you've got to respect my honesty." ~Taio Cruz (feat. Ludacris), Break Your Heart

Island in the Sun

Alright, so I know that I didn't post the past couple of days and I apologize. I have been so incredibly busy with school and work that it's not even funny. In fact, I should be (and want to be!) in bed right now, but I put off studying for my exam tomorrow morning until this evening cause I was busy studying for my other two exams... I'm horrible. And so spring feverish. haha I just can't wait until this test is over and then I can destress and clean my bedroom and all that good stuff.

Got a few comments to make about some random stuff that I happened across today: 1) I don't understand the "take a picture of myself without my shirt with my cell phone in the mirror and post it on Facebook" thing... 2) To the gay guys sitting at the table next to me tonight, I think I can speak for the entire Roasting Co. when I say, thank you for - in your words - "breaking the hymen" and finally going out for coffee together. Hearing you two giggle loudly over my ipod for 2 hours was *such* a delight. 3) Why do people have a problem flushing a public toilet? I seriously thought that was a high school thing, but the more I realize it, it seems to just be a public restroom dealie-oh. Are we not adults?

And a few things that I wish I could say to a handful of people: 1) One of these days you're going to realize that I'm actually not just kidding. 2) I'm not your mother. 3) I wanna hold your haaaaaaaaaaand, I wanna hold your haaaand. 4) You are probably one of the nicest people that works here. 5) It's still sexual harrassment when you look at me like that but don't say anything, creep. Btw, you still owe me some gold coins. And yes, I am following my training plan, jackass. 6) Don't put me in the middle please. You already know I pick her over you. 7) Are you four years old? Seriously?! You're graduating from college and about to get married. Grow up.

Okay, back to studying so I hopefully don't have to pull an all-nighter tonight! Wish me luck. And if you could send me some motivation, that'd be great too, kthxbi :)

"We'll run away together, we'll spend some time forever, we'll never feel bad anymore." ~Weezer, Island in the Sun