Angry

Yesterday my grades were finally posted for the semester... I am so extremely angry and disappointed at myself for not working even harder!! I knew the classes weren't going to be a breeze and even though I had no interest for the science ones, I still should've worked my butt off to show others and prove to myself that I can still do well. Unfortunately I must have given up on myself early on because it showed. I did awful. I'm ashamed and embarrassed. A part of me feels like people should know what a disaster I am... but yet I'm so embarrased I wish I could just run away and make everything better. I'm really hoping to make up for it by doing FABULOUS this next semester. Hopefully not living with K**** and taking classes in my major that I looove will help. Also, being "motivated by the lack of doubt" and knowing I'll do great if I put my mind to it. Though I am still very angry and disappointed in myself, I feel very optimistic about working hard this fall.

On a brighter note, I'm loving being out of school for the summer and working! It's great to be home and be busy, but not studying, studying, schoolwork, studying busy. Work has been great, I really love everyone I work with but am kind of having a little bit of an inner tug-of-war about my feelings between the relationship of my bff (who's my manager) and this other guy... so we'll just have to see what happens with that. I anticiapte that I'll just step back though and not pursue him anymore.

Today I was able to drive down to Salt Lake City to visit my very best friend on my day off! I knew that I missed the big city, but when I got off the interstate and was finally drving through the city, I realized how much I sincerely LOVE and MISS Salt Lake City!!! A big part of me doesn't want to go home tomorrow because how much I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be! I'm glad I chose to go to school here and am almost anxious for the fall when I can come back!

A personal goal for this summer concerns my weight. I'm really hoping to get in shape and lose a lot of pounds, but I know that's no walk in the park. It's an easy equation that involves hard work and dedication. But I'd kill to see the look on some of my friends' faces when I come back lean and thin! I've already hit a few rough patches, but I've got to keep to it!!

Well that's a lot for now... but I'm all out!!! :) Later