Hurting

I'm hurting emotionally today :( I know today will end in tears because I'm stressed out and all of a sudden have a lot to think about as far as my own future, what I want, what's best for me, and how my boyfriend plays in all of my decisions. This long distance relationship has already been really hard for me and school hasn't even started yet.

He loves me. I know he does, he tells me all the time... but I'm just not in the same place yet. Yet. Omg I just don't know how I'm going to do it. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to leave him but I have to think about what's best for the both of. I have to figure out where my priorities lie and where my heart is. I just don't know and it's killing me inside. I'm hurting. And the only pain relief is him, but he's 100 miles away...

There's so much on my mind and I'm stressing and it's hard to think clearly. I wish he was here. I care about him so much, but the distance is killing me emotionally. Oh my God... I really am falling in love with him...

I hurt

MY life

Today was the first day of my new job and I have a feeling I'm really going to love it! But I need to get another job so I can make some more money before school starts cause I don't have the money to make it through the semester right now.... :S But yeah, life is good! I am starting to get in the hang of living on my own again and I absolutely LOVE it. It's hard to be away from my boyfriend, but I kinda think it's going to be good for me to concentrate. I dunno, we'll see I guess. But I getting my life rolling, going out to see friends, hanging out with the roommates, going to mass, and hopefully getting an exercise schedule going... But I have to force myself to remember that this is MY life and I have to do what's good for ME. I've got to stop living for other people and I need to remember that when I make decisions. So here it is: a toast to MY LIFE :)

Close a door and a window opens

Wow time is going by way faster than I thought it would! It just hit me that I have to pack all my clothes and everything!! I dunno how the heck that managed to slip my mind... Oh well. It's starting to get really hard for Arean too. But then again we started talking and getting to know each other on the day I got the job in SLC, so he knew it was coming when he was going in to our relationship. I'm kinda sad that I'll be done working at Alb's cause I really do love my job and the people there. I've just been really, really happy for the past couple of weeks so it's going to be hard to see it come to an end. But you close a door and a window opens right?? I'm way psyched to be back in my city!!! I love the SLC and I'll be living in my new place and I'll get to be back with all my friends and on my own again.... Omg I love that life... So it's going to be hard, but it would be better if time could just slow down a tad

"It's like PB&J... Pam Beesley and Jim"

I completely forgot how much I LOVE The Office!!! Michael and Dwight are just too funny and Pam and Jim are so adorable! I just can't get enough and don't want to go to sleep cause I jsut want to keep watching The Office. Ew there's a bug on my carpet... I can see it crawl across the floor. But I must say, bugs don't really creep me out. Spiders, on the other hand, DO! Weird.

Today I made a customers day. I realized, it's really amazing that you can work an 8-hour shift and deal with bitches and coupon ladies and perverts etc. etc... but then there's one person who's day you make by doing nothing really special and in turn, it makes your day complete. All it takes is just that one customer, a total of three minutes of interaction, that makes up for all the other 8 hours worth of @$$holes. Today was a good day.

Well, I gotta get back to The Office!

Viva la Vida

So I decided I am going to live life to it's very fullest today!! I'm going to do things that I want to do, not things I think I'm expected to do! I'm listening to the song "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay and I love it! I dunno why, but it makes me feel motivated to do something with my life... Okay, guess I better get started!!

SALT LAKE!!!!!! :)

I'm finally, finally back in Salt Lake and I LOVE it!!!! I am so very excited to be back down here and working and going to school and hanging out with Allison! Life is so, so great... I have high hopes that one of the jobs I am wishing to get will fall into place perfectly. We'll have to see what happens, but I pray to God that it will work out. THANK GOD I'M IN SALT LAKE WITH ALLISON!!! Life can't get much better than this :)

Waiting - - for what??

Oh and by the way... haven't started to post things on my vision board... WHAT THE HELL AM I WAITING FOR!! Damn... things sure as hell aren't going to post themselves... Get your act together girlie!! Okay, I promise myself that I will work on my vision board tomorrow and have at least THREE things posted by the time I go to bed. Deal? Deal.

Weird timing...

Life sure is weird... Today two guys that I have a history with who I haven't seen for over a year both walked into my life today! Who'da-thunk-it?!? I kinda have mixed feelings though cause both of them wanted me to do things that I didn't feel comfortable doing... So I'm thinking they're both happend to come across me and are wanting more... Hmmm I don't really know what to do cause I'd like to "have fun" this summer, but I worry what I'm getting myself into. Argh why do I have to live at home!? I wish I could just go out and do whatever the hell I want and not have to worry about my parents and what they think or abide by their rules! Suck. Aw well, I suppose I'll just have to sleep on it tonight and see how I feel in the morning

The Vision Board

The other day I was watching Oprah with my mom and the show was about change and how your mindset, thoughts, and attitude can change your life for the better. They talked about how creating your own vision board can help you see what things (material and non-material)or emotions you want the most and how if things are meant to be, they will come to you n time. So I have decided to start my own vision board. There are so many things I want out of life, like good health, good grades, a sunny attitude, and easy forgiveness. There's also a couple material things that I think I'd like, but we'll see if it's truely what I desire. It's already a brand new day and I hope to not waste a second of it!

Argh... Frustration!

Why does he have to be so difficult?? Every time I ask him how he is, I really am interested! I'm not trying to make small talk, I don't consider him as just an acquaintance... It's just so frustrating sometimes because he does this every time! And I try to explain every time, but he keeps insisting and, quite frankly, it pissed me off. I can see his side of the story, that I'm in love with this one guy and if I want him, he's all that matters. But it's not completely true! He matters too! He's my good friend and I worry about him... Argh I just don't know what to tell him anymore because it's always the same song and dance and it obviously isn't getting through. Why does he always have to continually bring up him? I want to talk to him about himself... I don't need to continue to hear about him, especially when I ask him to stop or deliberately change the subject. I'm getting to my wits end! HELP!