In Memory

On November 12th, 2008, our good family friend Carlos Garrido took his own life in the silence of the night. This moment is for the celebration and rememberance of his life. We love you and miss you Carlos. God Bless you and your family, you all will be in our prayers.

*With a heavy heart and tears rolling down my cheeks, there is so much more I have to say...

Nov 1st

November First. A fresh breath of air. A new start. What is wrong with me these days? I'm falling apart... I thought I was doing so good, but lately I'm just barely getting by. I'm an emotional wreck, but I don't want to be "that" person. It's a new month. A welcome change. I can't do it alone... I need help.

Help.

I need help.
This is my cry.
Someone, please...
Help.

Sadness

Sadness
Cold
A failure
No one
Stressed
Done
Tears
Lonely

FALL BREAK!!!

It's FALL BREAK!!!!!!!!! Finally... the nice, well deserved break from school that we've all been waiting so patiently for! It would be great if the weather was much much warmer, but I can make due :) Things are going pretty well these days, I have some great new friends who I love to death and are so supportive, I have a wonderful, less-stressful job that's going great, and I'm doing good in school! I have been doing better emotionally too, I feel like I have worth. I know I have worth. I would like to thank Kyle for helping me realize that... Life is good =)

Let the rain fall down!

Today is a great day... IT'S RAINING!! What a blessing! This past week was a great week. I transferred to the HR department at work and I absolutely LOVE it!! It was such a good decision. School's going well, I love my social psych class... I also met this guy who is awesome! Hopefully things continue to go well with him cause he's a great guy. LIFE IS GOOD!! I have no complaints, I have been so blessed this week. :) I'm looking forward to Fall Break here next week so I can go home and visit the fam for awhile. I feel like I haven't seen my mom in forever, so that'll be a nice relaxing break from school. And the weather these days have been BEAUTIFUL! Fall is my favorite :) Thank God I'm alive

No Easy Way

Somehow I just keep getting knocked down while I'm still on the ground... Why won't he leave me the hell alone already? "As you cry I wanna lie, say 'I love you so' darling even though I don't, there's no easy way to ease the pain..." That song just keeps running through my head. I don't know what to do anymore. Ruined

Can't focus...

Hello! It's been awhile since I've last posted. A LOT has happened! A lot of things with school and my friends and family and work and Arean... Oh goodness, where to begin?

So this weekend my friends and I went up to watch the Utes brutally murder the Aggies in Logan, at their first home game, during homecoming week, in front of 20,000 fans. It was AWESOME! There will always be a special place in my heart for Utah State, but wow it was very enjoyable to watch them attempt to play football. But the weather was amazing, my family was great, and I enjoyed spending the weekend with my closest buddies.

I've also made some new friends recently, mostly at work... but they've been really good to me and I'm hoping we'll start to hang out more often and such.

This weekend I've had a hard time. One of my very close friends of a couple years told me about how I shouldn't settle for just any guy that I deserve the best. Him saying that really hit hard and meant a lot... It made me really think about Arean and what he now wants from me. Also I learned that my little bro has a gf and he treats her about exactly the same as Arean treated me and I don't want my brother to be that guy... So idk what to do, but it hurts my heart to think about it.

I still can't get my head in the game these days... it's been rough and I just don't feel like I'm keeping it together... I really need someone to talk to cause I can't keep all this in... it's my cross to bear but I need a little help with the load. I don't know why I just can't focus and pay attention, but it's eating me alive. I need someone to talk to but I just... I don't know... am I not trustworthy enough to find someone? Or I feel like I'm not allowed to show weakness, I always have to be the strong, happy one. But it is slowly killing me...

Pure Bliss

Oh and btw... the weather is freakin' AMAZING today!!!! I love it, it's pure bliss!! :) Life is good

10lb/mo

So I have settled on a goal!! 10 pounds a month. I think that's not too bad of a goal!! I can always stand to lose a little more a month, but I think ten pounds is really very reasonable! Now I just have to get in the habit of exercising and eating right and I'll be just fine. Gotta reach that goal! It's the one thing I've wanted the most out of my life... :D

We're no longer a couple... thank goodness. But we're trying to be friends and quite frankly, I don't buy it. I don't think I'm treated as a friend... So I don't really know at this point, but we'll have to see.