Done with him... and psyched!

Ugh my bf is a jerk. I'm just so done with him these days... I dunno if it's maybe the distance or whatever but he is really not very nice to me and I don't find someone like that necessary in my life at all. I'm just so over it all. I wish he would just dump me already, but it seems like he wants to keep me around for a LONG time. Ugh. I'm done. What the hell am I waiting for? Why do I need an excuse?

Oh the other hand I AM SO EXCITED FOR SCHOOL TO START!!!! :) I'm so anxious for it all to start, this semester is going to be SO great!!! I still have my Art History book to buy, but it's so damn expensive I just don't want to buy it... I got so hang out with some of my friends that have finally moved back to Utah and it was really great to see them all! I realized that all 4 of us have such very different religious beliefs and yet we all get along so well. It's like the real world! Dang I really love those guys, it was good to see them again. Two more days! Can't wait :)

Slipping

I'm starting to get worried that my friend is slipping away... not just slipping away from me, but slipping away from LIFE. And that scares me, it really makes me very afraid and very worried. What can I do? I feel like he's trying to reach out, but without anyone else noticing. I know it's up to me, I have to have faith. Dearest God, please help my friend. And please help me help him. I will not let this be his end. Amen.

Wiiiindy

Lamest Saturday everrr... My day's are still all messed up for some weird reason! It totally doesn't feel like a Saturday. And omg this Saturday has to be my lamest one ever!! It was productive and everything but wow.

It's really windy outside, which is great cause it's been so hot and humid here. I hope it rains!! I always pray for rain. I love the rain!

08/08/08

Today is 08/08/08... A historical day! I learned that on days like these, lots of people get married, which seems kinda weird but makes sense. Today is also the day the Olympics start!! I'm really excited, I love the summer Olympics! Also, it was rainy earlier this morning, so I knew my day was off to a good start. Arean and I are back to normal, we really have gotten through so much shit so early in our relationship I know we're strong. The distance is still going to be hard, but I know we can do it. I just spent the evening with some of my best friends and we had such a good time! It's going to be different this year with my new roommates, but I think it will be a good difference. I difference I finally deserve. Well, except for the fact that it's really hot and humid here in Salt Lake, life is soo great!

Worthless

F*ck my life. F*CK MY LIFE. I'm hurting so bad... I just don't know what to do anymore. My whole everything hurts - physically, emotionally, psychologically. This sucks. I can't even function, I just want to go back to sleep, back to dreaming. I understand the reasoning, but I didn't think he'd hurt me like this. Didn't think HE'D be the one to give up. It's going to be so different.... love hurts. F*ck my life. Can I just go already? What's the point. I'm sick of crying, tired of hurting. The distance... the f*cking distance!! I'm so stupid, I feel so worthless - so vulnerable. I"m hurting so bad. SO bad. I love him. Ugh wtf... I'm still so confused. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. F*ck my life. God help me, please God help me. I need help. Where's my faith? I just want to throw up, I feel so awful. I need time.